Disentangling -> Re-inhabiting

There comes a point when change is necessary…

A time when we need to disentangle from the life, role and identities we were playing in.

Where truth comes in and shines so brightly you can no longer hang on them anymore.

I have had several moments in life where that “ah-ha” moment comes – either intensely or gracefully – and it makes a moment of change, a pivotal point.

I was done with being sick and tired,

I was done with things not changing at work,

I was done with it getting harder and less supportive.

I was done with my needs not being met.

I thought leaving my job meant leaving that all behind…

Sure enough, that was just the beginning – and maybe the “easiest” part. 😂

Because from there, it was truth after truth, completion, tying loose ends up and then coming to another breaking point that broke me physically but also broke me open emotionally – I needed that. 🤍

So much was revealed,

So much was felt,

So much had shifted.

It was hard to be around others,

It was hard to explain this process.

Nobody seemed to understand slowing down and doing this inner work and shifting out of all my roles, the way I was showing up and instead learning to raise my standards of who I was and what and how I wanted to interact with others instead.

I was tired of over-giving,

Pleasing others,

Shrinking myself.

I was tired of performing,

Always being needed,

Always being the space holder.

I didn’t know how to need others, have space held for me, how to show up authentic and know that I would be enough.

I didn’t know how I could be wanted for just existing, but being wanted and not always needed is exactly what I have come to ponder recently.

People might need you to pick up something for them, do an errand, share something, need advice, space held, but what about just wanting to come together to share space? What about just wanting to be around me? Did I ever actually have that but was to blind to see it? To caught up in the old patterns of being needed and performing those roles that I couldn’t see it? Did I push those types of people away to keep playing in what I was familiar with – even if it was burning me out?

Because I never had a chance to get to know myself outside of all of those, I didn’t get to explore my own needs, desires, to open up and express and I said yes when I wanted to say no – which lead me to bailing when I wasn’t 100% because I didn’t know how to hold all of me and know I was loved because I wasn’t before – it was easier to fall back into those roles instead of spending the time to heal from them and get to know myself – give myself space to land! 🤍

So now?

I am learning to build trust in myself so that I can fully-inhabit myself – for maybe even the first time. 🤍 At least in a deeper way that I am inviting in now then I ever have before!! 🤍🤍

I am becoming a space that I want to show up in. 🤍🔥

As I sat there, connected with the land, hand on my heart and spoke these words:

“The part of me that left to survive… the part of me that changed to belong… you are welcome to return now. I am here. I will not leave you again.”

I listened to my body (not my mind) and I heard:

You haven’t left, 

You have shown up,

Deeper and deeper each time.

I thank you for that. 🤍❤️

And, you judge yourself.

Life is hard, sometimes you need coffee. You will know when you need to balance out. You listen and know how to care. So you don’t need to force yourself to be better. That force and judgement is what makes you tense and rigid. I know you want to flow – surrender, trust the moment & listen. You will be kinder on your partner's choices and you will feel that shift within you. 🤍

I almost cried…

It's true, I am always hard on myself to make changes and I push hard thinking that is what is going to create change. But punishing ourselves, forcing or judging, is never going to give us the long term life that we want. I want peace, enjoyment, love, laughter, fun and care – but that comes with compassion, consistency, listening to myself and showing up from there each day. 🤍

When the world pressures you to be something else…

Be the one place where you truly hold all of yourself and remember, your love, your care, your compassion and your consistency in listening and following through is going to get you way farther in life than forcing, judging, punishment and rigidity ever will! 🤍❤️

Thanks for being in this morning flow with me! ⭐

Appreciate those of you who have been witnessing me along this journey so far! 💚

I find showing up and reading your work, and having a safe space to explore my inner world & share it with even one person who sees me, relates, or it can support… is winninggg! 🤍

Writing is such a healing art!!! ❤️❤️

🤍

😘

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