Strong spine, Soft heart 💖
A door almost shut in my face,
The look in her eyes,
The energy she sent my way,
The wake up I truly needed – what a gift. 💝
A relationship near me took a dark turn for the worse, but it wasn’t until that door was almost shut on my face that I was able to reflect and see who I was being – I needed a wake up call!
This relationship felt imbalanced and I was waking up to the over-giving role I was playing in — but who I became in the process of learning to set boundaries and hold myself wasn’t what I was expecting… 🫠❤️
A couple days after I broke my ankle, I started to learn — where that role comes from, how it plays out in my current relationships, and how I could start setting boundaries and shifting it.
It was time to walk in a new way. 👣 ❤️✨
But… when we shift from an over-giver to a boundaried person, we can get lost in the middle – and that is exactly what I did. 🥹🤍
When we see an imbalance, we can see it through the lens of our wounded self – and that wound for me was now ANGRY. 😤
When I started setting boundaries it was… shaky, slowly speaking up for myself, and saying I didn’t like something or that I couldn’t do something for her. But over time, as those boundaries kicked in, I started to kick into high gear – like “FUCK YOU”, for everything – but that wasn’t fully for her…. 🤦🏻♀️
It was for all the people who ever truly took advantage of me – the ones I over-gave myself too, the ones who just took and took and took and never gave anything back. And for me, I never quite created the space and ease for myself to receive either. 🥹🤍
I put that “fuck you” and lathered it on everything to do with her — in and around my life. And I held onto that story like a life line – “I over-gave and pulled my energy back and now she's just like that” (when people would ask why she seems so cold and distant, or has this miserable look on her face) – I took it personally, as if she didn’t have her own shit going on in life — and life can be extra crunchy sometimes too… 🫠
My goodness, I didn’t recognize myself anymore when she got brought up… 🙈
There is understanding truth,
Seeing the imbalances,
And adjusting yourself accordingly.
But I feel I went down a dark path instead of a path of compassion and care – and I was reminded of that in the park right after that near door closing moment – thank god for that!
For me though, that “fuck you” was my bridge though — the bridge between overgiving and becoming a person who has boundaries with integrity.
What I have learned is:
We can be warm but not overgiving
Clear but not sharp
Compassionate but not self-abandoning
Honest but not gossipy
Respectful without shrinking
And it takes practice! Strong spine, Soft heart!
I didn’t yet know how to stay open while protecting myself, so I experimented with a survival strategy that doesn’t actually fit who I want to be! But my growth is my redemption.
I don't need to be perfect in conflict – I am allowed to learn!
So I let myself refine so that I feel clear! 🙌🏻
Practicing being yourself without armour yall – its a fuckin’ TRIPPPP. 💥
But that's strength. 🤍
❤️
Thanks for being here,
Ashley 🤍🥰❤️🔥✨.
⭐️